Kids or No Kids???

These are things floating around in this head of mine. My intent, is to see if there are people out there like myself.....that may have some of the same views I have, or, if others that can see the opposite side of my view and can lend advice and some good points.

I am 31 years old. I am now realizing what our parents, and grandparents have gone through. I hear a voice, "Those damn kids!" ringing in my ear. Now, I've heard that phrase only a couple of times in my life.....but not many. I heard it more on TV as a kid. But, I'm coming into that part of life where, you still feel youthful, you still get carded (on occasion),  not too many things ache when you get up in the morning, and where you may be hovering on a decision of whether or not..........you want to reproduce.

You have to admit, those of you reading, that had grown up in the 70' and 80's, have heard "Wait 'til your father gets home!" You were scared as hell, weren't ya?!? Parents had the control. Parents, were parents first and then friends to their children after they got them to adulthood.  Parents actually taught their kids politeness, manors, respectfulness, and how to behave in public. Now these days you see parents walking their kid on a leash, because their child likes to run off to wherever he damn well pleases! NO! You tell that child that if he does that again we will go strait home, you will NOT get a toy, and you will not come with us again when we go out to dinner or go shopping. Now, I don't know about you, but I like to sit down to a nice quiet dinner when I go out with my husband. Most of us want that atmosphere. So what do you think to yourself, if you are seeking that nice, quiet dinner to unwind after a hard day of higher-ups screaming at you, and a couple is sitting at dinner and their infant will not stop screaming and crying?!? And they do not do anything to remedy the situation. They sit there and pretty much ignore what that poor kid is screaming about and give a nice, "embarrassed" look when others look at them. Like we are just supposed to accept that "babies will be babies" and just listen to high-pitched whaling when we're eating dinner?!? Now, I realize that parenting does take A LOT of work, skill, and general patience. I am not discounting that, one way or another. But there are certain things that some parents need to understand upon bearing children. A few of those things being, that when you have a child, there are things that you may not be able to do anymore for a while when you have said, very young child under your care. There are certain things that infants and toddlers do that not everybody may find appealing or pleasing in a public setting. Anymore, I'm going to grocery stores, department stores, shopping malls, and restaurants, and looking for just an enjoyable day or evening out.............when a child is throwing a fit in the isle and the parents DO NOTHING!!! WHY?!?! Had I done that as a kid, that would have been the end of that trip!! My mom would have dropped everything she was doing, to haul my ass out to the car and go home. My behavior was an embarrassment!! Then, not only would I have to suffer her wrath (which was never more than a spanking), but I had to wait for round 2 with my hard-working father!! Now, my dad is 6'4" and around 200-220 lbs. He had a loud, angry voice..........but, he never beat us. You always knew where the boundaries were, so that you didn't have to hear the angry parent voice. I didn't like making my parents mad. I love my parents. They had enough shit to deal with.

If parents, that I knew growing up, wanted to go out and knew that the kids were not up for a public appearance yet, then they would call the grandparents or a sitter to watch the kids. So that mom and dad can go out in public without a screaming child that just wants a toy and is pissed off because you played the part of the parent, and actually told him "NO"..........and stuck to your guns. Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to tell kids "No" nowadays?? Didn't we hear that a lot when we were growing up? The word "NO"?  A lot of us didn't have things just given to us, as kids. We did our chores and earned our allowance. Then, when there was something we wanted to buy, you save up for it. I don't know about you, but when I worked hard to get something.........when I finally got it, I took care of it!! I was proud to own something I earned!! From my first 2-wheel bike, to my first pair of roller-blades, to my first car (which I was only able to afford after high school). I can remember girls a year or two older than me, in high school, who's parents just gave them cars for their 16th birthday. Not only was it not a banged up "beater", but it was a new model year Monte Carlo. One chick gets in an accident, totals it, and it's not even a big deal because insurance took care of that.......she got another one just like it. I cherished the fact that I even had a set of wheels! I paid attention on the road. I never took what I had for granted.

Once upon a time, parents taught kids to work for what they wanted. I was one of those kids. My family, when i was growing up, didn't have a lot of extra money. They were average, decent people, who worked for a living to put food on the table and make sure their kids went to school with nice clean clothes and lunch. We had all of the necessities and even a cool luxury present at birthdays or Christmas time.  Usually in the form of a Sega Master System, to an NES, and then eventually a cool Super Nintendo. Nintendo 64 was when I got a job to buy the system that I only bought for one game that I loved playing..........Mortal Kombat. There were also rewards for setting goals and working hard! Just the achievement alone, was worth it!! You did that!!  When you finally brought home a really good report card and your parents surprised you with something cool.  So basically, the things you had, you deserved and cherished.

There isn't anymore of that these days. There are hardly any rewards or incentives. The parents are more afraid of their kids, than the other way around. You can't even discipline children anymore. Discipline is one thing...............child abuse, marks, and long-term emotional scarring is another. I can count, on one hand, how many times I got spankings, as a child. But those spankings, I DESERVED! I ran away from school in the 2nd grade! A 7-year old braved crossing a major highway in order to walk to where her mother works (because mom would understand why I left school, or so I thought.)  As a 7-year old, I thought that I was justified. But when parents love you, they express their care for you in several different ways. As a 7-year old, I couldn't possibly know what it would feel like to be a parent and having your head-strong 2nd grader leave the school grounds.............and nobody knows where she is. You would be sick with worry, and then you get her back and you know that she doesn't know enough about the world we live in. But what she did is not acceptable. She should be punished and know that it's NOT ok to do that. I had detention, worried but relieved parents punishment............and I never did it again. Seeing the anguish my parents went through in a day, I didn't like being the cause of it. I appreciated what my parents did for me. They worked hard.

So when, exactly, did that mentality, slip away?  Is it because parents work so hard and are always gone, that, whenever they are home, they don't want to be the "bad guy" and come down on the kids.....(i.e. punishment for something that wasn't acceptable)? How are the kids gonna know what to do and what not to do? You're not home, you're working your ass off to provide for your family. But when you are home, teach them about right and wrong! Your children don't have to like you. You aren't supposed to be their friends, yet. You teach them the ways of life and how to be a respectable adult. Then, after they've tried and failed at a few things......the parents' teachings ring an echo in their mind and they remember what "mom and dad" had taught them, it wasn't all just bull-shit. Hell, at 31 years old, I'm still learning some lessons.

When I was a kid, I remember listening to my folks and their folks talk about what they did for fun and the fun things they earned when they were in their teens. Their lives as younger people seemed so simple and not so friggin complicated. Nothing was ever given to them. Same for me. I earned everything I had. Then I started hearing, in grade school, about how "Amanda" got a bunch of different candy and all of this CLOTHING for EASTER!!!! Her dad had worked for a major food distribution company for local supermarkets. They had money. It was like a 5th grade Easter Fashion Show! But I wondered how and why those girls got all these presents for all of those holidays, that really, never required gift giving in the first place.  My sister and I got Easter baskets with a little candy, the Easter grass (that cats just love to try to ingest), a real pet rabbit one year, but most of all.....church and then a big family dinner. Togetherness. One of only a few times every year or two, when you can see the fruit of your present blood-line. I don't know where it started getting out of hand. I started noticing a lot of my classmates acquiring all this stuff from Mom and Dad. Now, granted, this was before everybody in school had a phone, mp3 gadget, their own tablet, their own laptop, video game console (or two or three), portable gaming devices, their own flat screen complete with DVR and super-expanded cable or satellite, their own car......the list goes on. 

Now these days, I'm seeing "America's youth"..........and to be quite honest, they're scaring the shit out of me!! It's not so much the trendy clothing, music preferences, or whether they like boys, girls, or both. It's the sense of entitlement. Mom and Dad gave them everything that they ever wanted. Mom and Dad always cleaned up after them. Mom and Dad did everything for them. Mom and Dad got them out of trouble. And now that they're in high school, they're old enough to get a job. Mom and Dad say they need a job. The kid doesn't know why, seeing as how they don't need to pay for anything. Mom and Dad just keep paying for it all. The kid has no work ethic, and why should he? His folks never taught him that shit. Now imagine being a shift manager for a major fast food chain and somehow, you get all the shifts that start at 2pm. Just in time for all the high school kids to start their shifts..........or not. I always had such a blast trying to find people to cover the shifts of kids who just didn't feel like showing up. What I loved even more, was finding a replacement and everything is going swell at McHell...........and wouldn't you know it, the kid who didn't feel like showing up, is in his car.....in drive-thru......with his friends. That is something you just didn't do!!! If you're calling into work to say that you can't come in......I'm assuming it's because you're ill and that you shouldn't be out of bed. Either that, or a death or major illness in your immediate family. Some things, I realize, just can't be helped. 

But then you get the kids who actually do punch in, a little late, but somehow it's always overlooked. They come in wearing their dirty, wrinkled mess of a uniform and start a whole 4 or 5 hours of complaining about how they don't want to be on fries, or back register, or dishes......etc. You are here to do a job!! Get off your damn phone and pay attention to what we are paying you to do!! There's no more initiative. If you tell them to go do something, all you get is an argument about how they don't want to do it. And since they're minors, if they didn't get done what you told them they needed to do before their shift ended.....you can't keep them over!! They get to go home. You, well, you get to find someone else to take on the responsibility that the other crew person just decided to not do........or do it yourself. But I can't really do it because I can't really leave my spot from overseeing all the shit that's going on up front. So I have to make somebody else do it........and now, I get to listen to crew person #2 bitch about how they shouldn't have to do it because it was crew person #1 that should have done it. Yeah, I know that! Yeah, it's shitty of them to dump it on ya like that. That one person just made all of us a little more pissy. But the shit has to get done by the time the overnight crew gets here, so that maybe somebody can have a decent running shift! I'm not gonna turn around and not get my shit done.........that'll just leave more shit for the overnight to try and get done before the morning crew gets there. 

I realize that not everybody's kids are like this and I definitely am not a kid-hater. I like kids that are cute, clean, not overly obnoxious, and do what their parents tell them. So how does it seem like so many kids are going nuts these days? Did some parents just give up? Do some parents just not care? What is it? Seeing some kids and parents out there just makes me wonder.........if I have kids, are they going to turn into little monsters? I hear a lot of people say "nobody raises their kids anymore." I guess that's true to a point. If you think about it, society's pretty much taking care of the kids. I mean, you can't discipline your kids out in public. You can't even raise your voice to them without getting rude looks from other people. And in the technological age we live in, kids have had all these cute little electronic contraptions given to them to keep them occupied. And they all have to have the newest android phone or instead of playing with their DS, they want a new 3DS. I didn't have any of this shit growing up. We had a home phone with an answering machine. We had a TV that had 3 stations...........4 on a good day. And all of the shit kids want today is ungodly expensive. How much is the Xbox? How much are the games for said Xbox? How much is the iPhone, iPad, the PSP, the PS3 and all of that crap? 

So, say I have a child or two. What do I tell them when they get the "I wants"? I'm not going to just give my teenager a gadget because they want it. Then you're posed with the question "Well this friend has one and this person has one. Why don't I have one? Everybody has this cool new gizmo and I'm the only one without it!" And everybody knows how social standings work in high school. The kid has a complex because, from the outside, it looks like your parents can't afford the new gizmo........a.k.a. - you're poor and are branded a loser by some of the cruelest kids that are alive today. And they are cruel. Hell, they were cruel 15 years ago! Now with them being so wired into everything, texting and cyber-bullying, it takes a strong kid to be able to ward off the vultures in this day and age.

The clock is ticking. To have children or not to have children? That is the question. Can I possibly raise them the way my sister and I were brought up? Morals, respect, kindness........ya know, that whole "treat people the way you would want to be treated"??? Does anyone remember that? Or am I just going to have to throw them to the wolves? If the latter is the case, then I'd rather spare myself the misery. But, until somebody finds out how to predict the future, I guess I'll never know. Maybe if I were to just be a mom that can spend time with my kids and do the best I can to make sure they are loved and cared for. Maybe they'll grow up to appreciate it and thank me one day.